Meat and Potatoes

Real Tears

by

Author Bree

 

I know all too well the writer's sentiments when she declares, "Yesterday I cried." Because yesterday... I cried. But yesterday I cried with a purpose.

I cried for every day I heard my father curse my mother and my mother cursed him back. I cried for every time I went to sleep and woke up in grandma's house, and the fights that landed me there in the first place. I cried for all the times I called my mom in hopes of being picked up for the weekend and for every time I awakened and she hadn't showed. I cried for every time I stood outside the 7-Eleven drinking a slurpee waiting to go home, while my father talked to his girlfriend on the pay phone. I cried for every outfit I didn't get, but the girlfriend's kids did. I cried for all the toys and gifts I got to compensate for the time I didn't. I cried for every mistress that called the house and hung up, and the really bold ones that got smart with me.

Yesterday I did cry. But I cried with a purpose! I cried for every family wedding and almost every divorce that followed. I cried for each Thanksgiving that ended in arguments and every Christmas that ended in fist-fights. I cried for each time my father's family treated me like I was an outcast, cried for the day I found out I really was. I cried for all the lies that were told and secrets that were kept. I cried for all the lies still being told, and still being kept. Yeah, yesterday I cried…but I cried with a purpose. I cried for the father I knew but didn't have and for the father I never had, and never will. I cried for every college care-package that never made it to my mailbox. I cried for every Pell Grant I didn't get because they saw money I never saw! I cried for every dollar of student loans that I now have to pay. I cried for every lousy grade that I was too smart to make, but that I was too tired not to earn.

You better believe I cried, and I cried with a purpose. I cried due to broken eyeglasses I needed to see the professor's board, and the response that "it could wait." I cried for every piece of jewelry I pawned to make it through college, and for every book I got 2 to 3 weeks after classes began. I cried for every time I picked up the phone to call home for help, and found myself constantly dialing my grandmother's number, knowing from where the help would come. I cried that I can't dial her number anymore. I cried for every sacrifice she made to help me through school, and for the graduation ceremony and degree she was too sick to ever see.

Yeah, yesterday, I cried; I cried for a reason. I cried for every day I felt like doing nothing else but cry. I cried because I know what it's like to wear the mask that Langston Hughes spoke of. I cried for every child now walking in my footsteps, especially those who are too angry to cry for themselves. I cried for all the parents who are too blind to see that their choices affect someone other than themselves. I cried for every generational curse still making its way down family lines. Yeah, you better believe I cried with a reason. I cried for all the times I've seen friends hug their parents, and for being able to count the number of times I've hugged mine. I cried for every beautiful family dinner with friends I've ever attended. I cried at the fact that I still have tears to cry. I heard my friend say, "it's going to get better, things are going to change." I thought of the 28 years I've waited for change--and then I cried some more.

Yeah, yesterday I did cry, and you would have cried too…if you had been where I've been, seen what I've seen, and endured what I've endured.

Yesterday I cried…but yesterday I cried with hope…with the hope that one day, I'll never have to cry again! For He shall wipe all tears from my eyes!